Untitled (Potentially Part 1)

I started reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, probably 3 or 4 months ago. I got to about the fourth chapter or so and stopped reading it. I could say I stopped reading it because I got 'busy', but in reality I stopped reading it because it was convicting. Really convicting actually. It got so convicting to the point that I was questioning whether I was truly a Christian and if I was living my life for myself or for God. So I put the book down feeling convicting and hoping all of this would go away. Maybe I was feeling convicted because I was angry at God for taking away someone that was special to me. Maybe it was because I knew I had lost my 'spiritual high' after coming back from Passion. Or maybe it was because I was lacking motivation and just didn't feel like loving God. However, today I decided to pick the book up again. I decided it was okay to feel convicted and guilty. While reading and once yet again feeling super convicted, I thought about a mission trip I went on 2 years ago. It was to Cluj, Romania. For a week I was surrounded by extremely poor, starving people. I went through an extreme reality check and culture shock. I witnessed poverty and hopelessness right before my eyes. Then remembered I wrote a poem about this trip Senior year of High School. I wrote it for my honors English class, and also as a reminder for me to realize how I have changed, for the better. This poem may not make much sense to you in this post, but to me it's a great reminder of who I should be living for.

As the American's arrive

Tears of joy fall like a river

To them we bring hope and love

Neither of us speak one anothers language

We only know 'hello' and 'thank you'

Luckily communication survives

Muddy, torn clothes is all they have

Scarped feet, and dirty skin

Running water is nonexistent

They draw their unclean water from a well

Playing soccer is what they love

We try to teach a new kind of love

We sing songs and share our faith

Some listen. while others cry in fear

My perspective on life has changed

I don't need materials to live

We've only been together for a few hours

But everyone is smiling

And wanting to play "Rata rata gasca!"

All we have to give is Christ's love and a hug

As the American's leave

Tears fill their eye, their hope is gone til we return

So I ask: Who are you living for? Do you really need to keep up with the Jones'? Is Jesus who you're living for, or is it you or someone else? Is it time for a reality check on your spiritual life? Just some food for thought.